Tea for Two
by Rain Sky
Summary: Aitherion's Crack Pairing Challenge. With a blade to his neck, Matthew offers to introduce Guy to a beautiful girl in exchange for his life.


A/N: Aitherion of FESS made a crack-pairing challenge last summer, where he randomly generator pairings using a random number generator. The deadline was last November 2007. Well, I started early enough, but never got around to finishing it. So last two days, I finished up the vision I held for the whole year.

The challenge was limited to Ereb, and so I picked a pairing from FE7: Guy x FE7 Lyrina

* * *

Two young men stood wordlessly in the lush, woody forest. A man in his early thirties with russet-coloured hair stared straight ahead into the foliage, a blade pressed against his neck. He was slightly built and had moved gracefully and nimbly into this inconvenient circumstance of life and death. Behind him, holding the roughly forged sword tightly and remorselessly was another man, this one approaching his thirties. The swordsman was more muscular, with skin the colour of milky coffee from training under the sun and green hair that blended with the forest.

In an unusually low voice for added menace, the green-haired man growled, "I finally have you, Matthew, for everything you've done – for conning me into fighting against the Black Fang, for attacking me in the dead of night…"

"Hold it!" Matthew's voice was under control, if a bit tense. "Don't tell me you did not at all enjoy it! We were led by an amazing tactician, don't you remember? She was pretty, too. I saw you looking at her, you know." At this point, his solemn expression turned jovial. Even though he was the one whose throat could be slit at any moment, he knew he had cornered the other man.

The swordsman turned ever so scarlet, but he did not allow his voice to stumble. Brushing right over Matthew's words, he hissed, "All those nights spent in the cold in the mountains that knew only one season, all those days we had to march in torrential rain, and that time we strode right into the heart of the Nabata desert! Would you relive those deathly moments?"

Of course, he did not, but was he going to let the younger man have the satisfaction? "You liked the adventure, Guy! I saw you bragging at bars. You always were talking up those lovely ladies, while looking around for our tactician. You never knew whether she would be impressed or disgusted, so you were cautious." Matthew paused. "Considering the fact that she never entered any taverns, I'd say she would have been quite repulsed at your behavior."

"Quiet, you!" Guy's grip trembled, but Matthew was still firmly trapped. The slippery and social Ostian spy would rue the day he joined up with Lyndis in Araphen and consequently met Guy in Caelin. It was always so tense during wartime. He had thought pleasant conversation with the other soldiers of the army would do everyone good, but with Matthew around, Guy never had a single decent conversation – at least not with a female. Guy had mysteriously tripped three times during a practice spar with Lyndis, dropped a berry tartlet he was offering to Isadora onto her pristine white armor, and during the one time he met Leila, Guy, who had been carrying weapons for Merlinus, managed to drop his load in one big racket due to sudden pain in his right wrist. Apparently, he wasn't even to be allowed a conversation with Lucius, the gentle acolyte with the palest creamy skin and the most slender waist in the army. "You die here for those childishly stupid tricks you pulled."

When Guy moved his arm away from Matthew's neck to make a more dramatic slash at his throat, Matthew just couldn't resist. He did not try to slip away, though he easily could have. "Wait! I have a proposal!" He gasped melodramatically, as if in great pain.

Grudgingly, Guy allowed Matthew his last words.

"What if – gasp – I introduce you – gasp – to a girl?" Matthew suggested slyly. "She'd really be great for you. She's beautiful. She's clever. She's sweet."

Guy paused. That didn't sound half bad. In fact, that sounded very good. _Well, he would never lie. He would only trick me. She must be beautiful, clever, and sweet, but there has to be a catch._

"Let me guess: is she on her deathbed?" Guy inquired. "Is she poor, and in need of a man who can pay for a tombstone?"

"No!" Matthew protested, horrified. "I would hope she has many years before the grave. She is healthy and vivacious!"

Silent for a moment, Guy pondered this. "Well, I guess it can't hurt to meet her."

"Now you're talking, Guy!" Matthew proclaimed jubilantly.

* * *

She was indeed beautiful, with a fair ivory complexion and large, light violet eyes that matched her long, lustrous hair. Her nature was sweet as any delightful treat in the baker's oven. She was the five-year-old daughter of their old friend, Hector, who had risen to the position of Marquess Ostia, Princess Lyrina.

Guy's jaw had nearly dropped when Matthew had brought Lyrina to the gardens of Ostia, saying, "Lady Lyrina, there's an old friend of mine I'd like to introduce you to. He'll be nice and play with you as long as you want."

How could Matthew have gotten him into _this_? Guy had thought he'd seen through every possible stunt Matthew could pull with the words "beautiful", "clever", and "sweet". How very wrong Guy had been!

"It's a delight to make your acquaintance, Sir Guy," Lyrina gently, politely said. Contrary to her name, Lyrina's voice did not appear to be one of a singer. Still, it was mild and soothing to the ears. The princess of Ostia waited a few moments, perhaps for the swordsman to return the courtesy. His silence made her a bit nervous even though he was staring into a space far over her head. "Sir Guy, are you quite all right? Should you be unwell, perhaps we should call for Miss Serra."

That name reeled Guy back into reality. "N-no, my lady! I am quite fine, thank you kindly!" Back during the war, Serra had been the only girl with whom Guy could converse without Matthew pulling pranks all the time. Whether that had been intentional or whether Matthew simply wished to avoid Serra at all costs, Guy was still traumatized from the experience.

There was another pause after this. A hibiscus caught Lyrina's eye while Guy was still trying to clear his head, looking everywhere but at the girl. Matthew smirked. Lyrina returned her eyes hesitantly to Matthew and Guy. "Well, it is getting rather hot out here. Maybe we could return to the castle?"

"My apologies, Lady Lyrina, but I do have some errands to run for your _father_," Matthew emphasized the last word, flashing a portrait of Hector at Guy behind his back. It was a mediocre likeness sketched onto scrap paper, done certainly by a brand-new novice artist. "I'm certain that Guy here enjoys games, though. He certainly seemed to like playing games back in the war. I always won, though. Or rather, he always lost. He's a good sport about these things!"

"What?" Guy was ready to explode, taken aback by Matthew's masked snide remarks. Then, the thought of a very pissed-off Hector glued him in place. It was true that swords bested axes, but Hector was capable of and very willing to run around all day and chase after him if he made Lyrina cry.

By then, Matthew had slipped away, and only little princess Lyrina was left there. Guy sighed inwardly. _I guess I'd better just last the day out, and then make up some job I need to fulfill._ "Well, my lady, where would you have us go?"

"Well…" Lyrina thoughtfully began, "I was thinking we could return to my quarters."

"To your quarters, my lady?" Guy repeated, confused. _She couldn't possibly mean…?_

"It came in just a few days ago," Lyrina obliviously went on in a completely different direction. "My new tea party set is really pretty; you should see it for yourself!" In her voice was only excited delight at the prospect.

"You'd have me join you for tea?" Guy wondered.

"Please?" Lyrina gazed up at him, the corners of her lips suddenly curved downwards. "Please?" She whispered again.

Guy gave in. Perhaps this is why she was named Lyrina. No matter what she said, her words were sweet as honey and smooth as silk. No one could deny her anything. "Very well, Princess Lyrina. Tea for two it is."

* * *

A/N: Well, that's it. What did you think? It's a crack-pairing challenge, so do note that before flaming me with "Omigod where do you get these pairings?" I adore constructive criticism, but I'm open to flames so long as they are intelligent flames.


End file.
